I generally don't blog without posting a picture but I've had this question running around my head for a little while now and just need to get it out somewhere. I'm not sure that this is the best place but maybe some of your insight will help me move on.....
You see I've made it. What I'm trying to say is that ALL of my life I have been dreaming, fantasizing, striving for and focused on this exact moment.......the time in my life when I would finish school and accomplish my goal of becoming a labor and delivery nurse, meet the man of my dreams, have children and become a mother to them.....buy a house and settle down. These have been my dreams and goals as a child and a young adult. And it's true...when you set your mind to accomplishing your dreams you can GET IT DONE..... and the great thing is that I did!! Sooo I should be happy right?!? Don't get me wrong...I am very happy and for the most part Love my life.... It's just...what's next?
It's such a weird place to be in life. I've accomplished my life long goals....(life up to this point)I know, I know....I still have a goal of raising these kids to be happy, well adjusted young adults....which in and of it's self is quite a task these days.....
I mean a goal for me personally...where am I going? What is the next thing I should work for? I guess what's getting me is I feel I know how my life is going to go....I've seen it in motion...I see myself in my mother. She's a nurse and has worked at the same job for 40 + years and is now retired and traveling a ton!!!!! Don't get me wrong...she has an awesome life....it's rock solid, comfortable and for the most part, I believe she's happy. Not a bad life to follow..... and in much the same way I don't see myself changing jobs - EVER- why should I...it's comfortable, dependable, pays well and I work with some of my BEST friends EVER....it's a great job. And truly...I don't see Todd and I ever moving out of the Pacific Northwest..even though we talk constantly about it. Our family is here, our livelihood is here we are comfortable here..... so really.... nothing is going to change.
As I type this it is becoming more and more clear to me.....maybe that SHOULD be my goal. Instead of expecting my life to follow in my mother's footsteps..maybe my goal should be to keep my life in her footsteps. Keep life for my family solid, comfortable and dependable. I mean..I'm not trying to tempt fate and I know I can't see the future....I guess life after finishing school, getting married and having children is about keeping all of that plugging along on a fairly routine, and dependable track, avoid the pit stops and the dangers....that's the goal. OR IS IT????
Well....there you have it my current quandary......I'm pretty sure I can't answer this question today, tomorrow or even the next day.....it's just something to think about......
3 comments:
This sounds like a great topic for our Thursday coffee date! I'll think about it some until then...
Um, where do I start? First off. Completely jealous, OK? I mean my life is completely a jumbled mess. But I'll move on..........I just couldn't help thinking the whole time I was reading your post that all of your goals up until now really didn't focus on Katie in her guts. It's been a lot about family. And your journey as a family. Which is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to. And of course it's likely that this is the calm before the storm as far as parenting goes. I'm mean the teenage years are right around the corner. And at the risk of sounding trite or making light of what your dealing with, but I just think it's time you found something to inspire and stretch you. Take cooking classes, or buy an awesome recipe book. Buy a quilting book and dust off the sewing machine. Teach yourself. Find out what moves you. Take a photography class. BUY A NEW CAMERA!!!! Do something that develops the talents that I know are in there. Just something that gives you a sense of self worth and uniqueness outside of wife, mother, nurse and homekeeper. I really don't mean to make this seem like a silly answer. But now is the time you actually have time to figure out what's actually in all your insides.
Oh, and call me.
It is weird to have the things you want, and to not know what you want next. All I know is I want you baby...guess who xoxoxo
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